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"Dude, it's awesome. Did you know all the food was free for the night? I mean everything, cheesey fries and all. So, yeah, it's me, Cassie and Tori so I think you know how the night's gonna end. You don't? Well, let's...okay, okay, it ends with me, alone. But I never tell me no, so that's a sure thing. Wait, is that gross? I think it's gross. Don't put that down, man."
"Well, you gotta hit em just right. Sure, it's fun to whack em in the jolly rodgers or whatever but that doesn't really do anything. It's head or nothing. You got a chainsaw or a wood chipper, they really aren't that tough.
And I never screamed like a girl. Did Tori tell you that? What a joke. But she's so flippin' hot. I can't even think about her without ...excuse me."
"Good lookin', sure. I don't think about it too much but you can see it yourself. And no, I don't work out, this is all natural. And fun lovin', I'm kind of a blast to be around. Hmm, what else. Sure, I just deliver pizza but there's usually a couple of leftover orders at the end of the shift so the eats are good. And the SAT's d-u-m dumb, a bad iindicator of intellect. I could move out but mom's such a good cook, why would I? No, not a loser. Not me. A late bloomer. Shit, I'm depressed."
"Cinderfella. The French got that right, Jerry Lewis is a freakin' genius. I miss Dean, though."
"You think I can afford an IPod? But my ringtone is Business Time by Flight of the Chonchords. Aw yeah."
"Is there one with a horn? Unicorn?"
"Chicks like sideburns. Oh, and never, ever, EVER buy a penis enlargement device on eBay, not if it's electric. And if you do, don't attach it. And if you do...but don't, really don't...DO NOT PLUG IT IN!"
See Jude here.
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